


Scar's Four-Point Guide to Villainous Elegance

by AstraLowelle



Category: The Lion King (1994)
Genre: Gen, Villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:34:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26715310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstraLowelle/pseuds/AstraLowelle
Summary: In where Scar guides up-and-coming evildoers how to go about their nefarious businesses with class and sophistication.
Kudos: 2





	Scar's Four-Point Guide to Villainous Elegance

_Please._

If you _must_ be a villain (which I do not recommend as so many of you tyros give the rest of us a bad name), I must _insist_ you read this first.

Far too many villains nowadays go about their nefarious business without even a slapdash effect of class, grace, or anything remotely above the motley enthusiasm displayed by so many heroes. It’s enough to make any self-respecting evildoer vomit.

But for those who wish to follow in my footsteps: fear not. There is hope. All you need to do is follow my guidelines- nothing terribly difficult. Besides, any real villain who is not destined to be an embarrassment to my kind need only give the following a cursory glance; because really, any fool should know this already.

But out of the abundant goodness of my heart, I present to you:  
  


_SCAR’S FOUR-POINT GUIDE TO VILLAINOUS ELEGANCE_

~VOICE. If your voice is nasal or whiny, forget it. You are a disgrace to roguish sophistication and would be better off seeking a profession in red noses, horrendously ill-fitting clothes, and an overabundance of cheap makeup. The classy evildoer’s voice must be smooth, intelligent, measured, and silky. Each syllable should inform your conversant that you are not to be taken lightly.

~ACCENT. A European inflection adds a touch of modishness. If you do not currently have one and wish to adopt one, by all means do so, but do not attempt it in public until you have completely mastered every nuance, or you will only be able to defeat your foe because they are laughing so hard they cannot breathe. This is a sound strategy elsewhere, but it is not elegant and should therefore not be done if your aspirations are otherwise.

~DRESS. As an animal, I do not wear clothes. If you are a villain that does, take heed- think dark. This does not need to mean _black,_ it merely means _dark_. Length, color, material, trimmings, shapes- all of these must be carefully considered and selected by you personally. If you have no fashion sense, this is not the career for you (see above for another recommendation). Think deep shades, sharp angles, sweeping fabrics, tasteful leather, heels and spikes, and such like. My own coloring might serve as example.

~WALK. Slow, even strides. Inject poise and self-confidence into your every step. Bad posture is unacceptable, as you will resemble a wannabe. If your needs call for blending into the shadows, invest in soft-soled shoes. If you are in power, consider shoes that click. Tripping is not elegant. Stumbling is not elegant. Running can be elegant, but that is achieved with difficulty and can lead to tripping and/or stumbling.

  
And there you have it- four tips for villainous elegance. If you are an up-and-coming evildoer, you should be doing them already. If you are not, adopt these policies at _once_ before you make a mockery of yourself and everything we villains stand for.

  
_~Scar_


End file.
